


Point of Damnation

by alottlehomo



Series: Point of (Nearly) Obsessive [1]
Category: The Librarians (TV 2014)
Genre: Ezekiel has issues, Jake and Ezekiel need to work their emotions out, Jake has issues, M/M, hurt comfort, jenkins is helpul, point of salvation is important, this is a mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-09
Updated: 2017-01-09
Packaged: 2018-09-15 23:59:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9264866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alottlehomo/pseuds/alottlehomo
Summary: just Jazekiel mess, okay, read it, I'm too tired to write a summary. They smooch at the end, it's cute.





	

It all starts with that stupid game. It all starts with that stupid bloody loop that gave them all chances to tell each other everything. It also starts with Ezekiel letting them believe he doesn't remember anything. 

Nothing happened in the last loop, not really, he saved them all and let himself fall but nothing /happened/. He never gave up how much he knew, how much he didn't know, what had happened in all the other loops, he never gave it away.

Jake didn't know how many times he'd kissed him before going to get killed by rage people, or about the times Jake had kissed /him/. 

No one knowing was the beginning of his own personal hell, not only because Jake still acted like they were barely friends, or even just because of everyone else being all lovey dovey, it was all because he couldn't tell anyone.

Then Jenkins figured him out, put together how often he was staying at the library and the fact he was barely sleeping, and how much he talked in his sleep. Jenkins confronted him about it by making him tea and sitting down and telling him about his own stint in a temporal time loop. How he'd watched the love of his life die over and over again, until he hadn't felt a thing, explained how he was asexual and how that had almost made it hurt worse because it wasn't her body he was missing, as it was for her chosen lover, but her mind. 

It had been a long talk, but in the end Jenkins knew and Ezekiel knew, they were better for it. 

When they get trapped in the Canadian lab is when Ezekiel has the most trouble keeping the others from figuring it out. When Jake grabs his arm and tugs him closer, touches his face, and stares at him is when Ezekiel feels like he's burning to just say something already. He doesn't. He needs it to be Jakes move this time otherwise he'll just wait forever. He's more than aware that Jake has his own issues to deal with, how he has his own internalized crap and how maybe he didn't mind kisses when they were definitely going to die he'd probably mind them any other time.

He finds it amusingly ironic that Jenkins is the one to save him again when they arrive on the scene, Ezekiel half out of it with Lycanthropy and raw panic. It's a minor miracle Jenkins managed to persuade them all that he was muttering about the werewolves and not 'rage people' with how much he babbles. They talk again, a long heart to heart. Ezekiel talks about how he made Flynn keep going and Jenkin's just nods. 

It's okay, for a few weeks after that, until Cindy comes up and Jenkin's saves him again but telling the whole gang he's so in love with himself he can't fall for her. They both know it's really two things. 

Thing one, his obsession with the game. 

Thing two, Jacob Stone.

"So...Jones," is how Ezekiel is sure he's going to die, the look in Jake's eyes, his laughing at Eve and Flynn immediately drops. He knows, the only thing screaming through his mind, "you realize your narcissism isn't the reason why that love potion didn't work on you, right?" 

His face twists, his eyesbrows go up and down, and his mouth quirks. There's a reason he doesn't lie, he's horrible at it. So in the end, he doesn't, not technically. " What are you talking about?"

"Well," Jake says in that timbre voice that makes Ezekiel flash back to the first time he had a panic attack in the loop, how Jake had made him sit down and just talked to him with that voice for what felt like hours, " Flynn and I have pretty healthy ego's too. Love potion worked on us, it didn't on you. Why is that?" Jake asks and his expression changes as he does it, and Ezekiel /knows/, he feels it in his bloody bones that he's been found out and then - 

"Cause you already had feelings for her?"

"Cindy? Are you insane?" Ezekiel scoffs, his eyebrows raised high, all the tension in his body leaving as he realizes that Jacob Stone might be one of the thickest headed boys he's ever met. He has to fight himself from screaming at him, no it's you you idiot, you're the one I'm in love with, but he manages and Jake walks away. 

The next time he needs saving Jenkins isn't there for him, he's there for Jenkins. Jake had been talking, teasing some more about Cindy so Ezekiel had taken his leave to bring back Cassandra. He decides he has perfect timing when he hears Jenkins stuttering through a rejection as gentle as he can make it. Ezekiel quirks his brows at Jenkins before he goes, makes sure he's okay in the subtlest way he can before disappearing back the way he came.

Ezekiel spends most of the rest of the day trying to find ways to avoid being alone with Jake until that option makes itself completely unavailable as Cassandra gets herself a vampire girlfriend, and he and Jake wind up pressed together in a vampire sun-serum lab. He can't say he minds being stuck with Jake in the end though, when they're apparently both going to die. He doesn't think there's anyone else he'd rather be with then.

Not to say he isn't relieved when Jake says he has a plan, when his old cuff skills work on their hemp-rope bonds. He really is quite ecstatic until they're cornered again. 

"These guys are too fast, I can't do this on my own!" 

"You've got me!"

"Glad you feel that way." 

And then he's flying face first towards the bloodthirsty vampires. He wants to ask what that's supposed to mean but he doesn't get the chance, no while they're being corralled and Jenkin's is saving their asses.

Ezekiel decides he'll steal the man something nicer than a lock picking set next time he's out for gifts.

"Where's Cassandra?"

Then everything goes straight to hell. Every last little thing. 

The only reason Ezekiel remembers the last time he had this many panic attacks in less than an hour is because he constantly obsesses over when it happened, and how he'd fix it, but he can't do that now. Not now when Cassandra is in surgery, possibly dying, from something Ezekiel can't save any of them from.

Ezekiel thinks about what he told Cindy, about telling her he finally found people worthy of his care, he also thinks about not telling her how much he wishes he hadn't if for no other reason than that he's selfish and hates being hurt.

He's very selfish, he thinks, because as soon as Flynn and Eve arrive he's gone. He hugs them both and then rushes out of the hospital. He doesn't even hear the footfalls behind him until he's being slammed into the bricks with a ground out, "Where the hell do you think you're going? You can't leave right now."

Jake. Jake who had been glued to his side since they got to the hospital, since Jenkins saved them during that fight.

"I won't break down in front of all of you, not right now, none of us need that," Ezekiel bites back, grinding his teeth trying to keep his breathing even. " I'll be back I just need to.. I just need-" 

His lungs fill with lead then, and what comes out next is more of a gag on air than words, his lungs start to scream almost instantly and his legs feel weaker than a minute before.

Jake catches him.

They sink to the ground and just stay like that for a while, it takes almost five minutes for Ezekiel to realize that timbre's back again, that Jake is talking just like he did in the loop. Ezekiel will never admit to the way he clings in that moment, how if Jake tried to pull away there were better odds of Ezekiel ripping his shirt than him actually putting distance between them. 

"I can't loose her, I know we all care about her, I know we all love her but /I can't/." Ezekiel licks his lips, shaking his head against Jakes chest.

He's quiet for a while and then, " You remember, don't you? The Game, you remember it," it isn't a question but Ezekiel nods anyway, not pulling away, if anything hiding further in Jakes chest because he needs this right now. " Why didn't you ever say anything?"

"I didn't want anyone to ask any questions, I mean at first I really didn't and then I wasn't sure," he shrugged, clenching a shaking fist tighter in the cowboys shirt, " then it all came back in a rush and it was.. disconcerting. I didn't know how to bring it up. The only person that knows is Jenkins." 

There's a sigh from above his head, and a hand in his hair and it is /painfully/ familiar. " That's why you two were spending so much time together? Because you told him about the loop and he could help?"

Ezekiel pulls back at that, eyeing Jake suspiciously, "You noticed?" he asked, eyebrows raised, opening his mouth to add on only for Jake to give him an incredulous look.

"Of course I noticed, you two have been buddy buddy like crazy and I thought that maybe you were..."

"Absolutely not." Ezekiel shot down the idea quickly, sniffling and shaking his head again.

They sat like that for a few more minutes before Jake made them get up, muttering something about coffee and Ezekiel going back up before disappearing. Just like that Ezekiel thinks the moment is gone, he goes upstairs and he sits with his arms wrapped tight around himself, and then as far as he can get them from himself, and then he takes his coffee and sits some more.

He paces for a good twenty minutes before Jake sits him down, takes his hand and puts their heads together and talks in that voice. Ezekiel doesn't know if the others can hear, or if they're listening, or if they'd care either way but it's grounding, the way Jake talks, and he can't help but reach to pull him back when he stands up - until Ezekiel realizes it's the doctor and then the panic is rising again and that doesn't look like a good expression.

Jake holds his hand the whole time, not tightly but enough, a loose wrap of fingers around each other that keeps him from spiraling in the middle of the hospital and getting them thrown out.

Ezekiel is by Cassandra's side the whole time she's in the hospital, and inevitably so are almost all of the rest of them. They're a family, in their weird way, and with all his experiences Ezekiel wouldn't have left her there alone even for a second. It's only after she's discharged and on her way to see totally not a girlfriend vampire lover that he has to confront Jake again, to clarify that just because he remembers it doesn't have to mean anything and how he appreciated the comfort but Jake didn't have to. He loved himself and that was what was important, he could move past the rest of it

He didn't get half a sentence out before lips were on his. 


End file.
